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How to manage debt in a relationship
A financial coach shares tips on navigating debt in your relationship.
MINNEAPOLIS — Couples fight about a lot of things.
Annie Hanson sees them when they fight about money.
The financial coach behind Mindfully Money said debt is a common point of contention. According to a survey by Finder, more than a third of Americans say they would reconsider a romantic relationship over it.
“It causes a lot of big emotions,” Hanson said.
Stephen Trost from Golden Valley said debt could have been a deal breaker in his relationship of nearly five decades. “It would’ve been a dealbreaker for him if I couldn’t spend judiciously, which I do,” he said.
Anne Hartman, married for 22 years, said, “Had he not been lucky enough to come out with relatively small loans, or had he had this huge car with a ton of debt, I would’ve been like, ‘Uh, we need to talk about this,’ just because that’s not how either of us was raised.”
Financial coach Hanson said if your partner tells you that they have a lot of debt, the first step is to find out more information. She said to discuss how much debt, why and what your partner is doing about it.
“The person who does not have the debt usually feels a lot more confident if they can see that the person who has debt is somewhat in control of it and has a plan for addressing it and paying it off,” she said. “Transparency is key because lying about money can really create a cycle of distrust in a relationship.“
Hanson admitted these conversations are difficult, revealing more than what’s on the surface.
“When people are fighting about money, they’re usually talking about numbers, but it’s really the underlying emotional reactions that you’re having to money,” she said. “It’s about how that makes you feel as a person or how you feel about your contribution to the relationship.”
She recommended that couples share their first memories with money to better understand each other. These kinds of discussions, revolving more around values and less on precise figures, can be helpful to new couples as well. Hanson said that questions about hobbies, vacations and homes they’d like to have can reveal a lot about someone’s money mindset.
Debt doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, Hanson said, but it is an option. “There are also going to be some clear indications that maybe your partner isn’t ready… to address their debt in an effective way.”
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The Poisoned Apple
- 1 oz Liquid Alchemist Blood Orange Syrup
- 1 oz Jim Beam Bourbon
- Top off with Angry Orchard Crisp Apple Cider
Glassware: 9 oz Bucket Glass
Garnish: Cinnamon Sugar Rim
Prep: Add Blood Orange and Jim Beam to a shaker with ice. Strain over fresh ice into the glass. Fill with Angry Orchard and stir.
The Black Widow
- 0.75 oz fresh lime juice
- 0.25 oz agave
- 0.75 oz Cointreau
- Big pinch of black luster dust
- 1.5 oz Patron Silver
Garnish: Half Black Salt Rim
Prep: add all ingredients to a shaker with ice, vigorously shake and strain into a glass.
The Green Intensity
- 0.25 real lychee puree
- 0.5 oz St. Germain
- 0.75 oz fresh lime juice
- Green Luster dust
- 2 oz Bombay Sapphire
Garnish: lychee and Luxardo cherry
Prep: add all ingredients into a shake with ice, vigorously shake, and strain into a martini glass
