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National etiquette experts talks social guidelines in digital age
Respect for those around you never goes out of style. But as the way we communicate has evolved, so have some of the social guidelines surrounding it.
MINNEAPOLIS — Put your napkin in your lap. Say thank you when someone pays you a compliment. Be punctual. These are some rules of etiquette that have remained for a century. But as we’ve entered the Digital Age, the guidelines of social courtesy have evolved to include a lot more, including best practices with cell phones and social media. Elaine Swann, a national etiquette expert and founder of The Swann School of Protocol, makes sure to keep up-to-date.
“I watch the market, and I watch trends. And I do research and study and surveys and so forth to see what really works for people for today,” she said.
Swann offers the following tips when it comes to texting, information sharing and the internet:
When you’re dining with others, don’t bring your phone out unless it’s for a reason that loops in everyone.
“We should not be on our phones connected with someone else on the other end, whether it’s connected with someone through social media or email,” Swann said. “But if you’re looking at your phone and you’re trying to find movie times, or maybe trying to connect with someone else in your party that you’re waiting on and everyone knows that’s why you’re on your phone, then that’s great.”
She says it’s also okay to pull out your phone to share a photo with the person or people you are dining with, but put it away after.
“Nothing belongs on the table except for food, so when you put that phone away, put it in your bag, your pocket, or on your lap, underneath your napkin.”
Keep your texts to daytime and early evening hours. Just because someone can turn their notifications off, doesn’t mean they do.
“In my opinion, it’s the responsibility of the sender to curb their behavior and avoid sending emails, text messages, any sort of notes or updates during odd hours of the night. They might have relatives – sick parents or children – that causes them to have to keep those notifications on.”
Responding to a thoughtful or important message with “K” isn’t polite.
“Try to match the energy of the sender,” Swann said. “So if a sender sends you a long-form message, it doesn’t mean that yours needs to be just as long, but at least use a complete and full sentence response. So this way you’re at least matching their energy and feel somewhat heard.”
Always get permission before you share a screenshot of a text conversation.
“We feel as though – when we’re posting something – we’re just connecting with one person. But really, in essence – we’re sharing that information with the world,” Swann said.
If someone hands you their phone to look at a photo, don’t start swiping through the gallery.
“Because you never know what’s on the other side of that swipe. So when someone hands you their phone, look at that one thing, mind your business, and just keep looking at whatever they’ve shared with you.”
Don’t bombard someone with messages or videos. And if someone is doing it to you, it’s okay to tell them to ease up on it.
“It’s like dropping off something at your front door constantly and you don’t want it,” Swann said. “It’s absolutely acceptable to say you know, I get it, it’s funny, but can you hold up a little on sharing so much because it’s hard for me to keep up with it. Tell them whatever your reason is.
“We give people so much freedom when it comes to the internet and things online, but we need to use those same core values of respect, honesty and consideration in every area of our lives.”
The U.S. Army says 19-year-old William E. Colby was reported missing in action on Dec. 2, 1950. His remains were identified just this year using DNA technology.
MINNEAPOLIS — Nearly 74 years to the day since he was officially deemed Missing in Action during the Korean war, a Minneapolis soldier finally reached his final resting place.
The burial at Fort Snelling National Cemetery, which came with full military honors, brought closure to the family of Army Corporal William Colby, but it couldn’t bring back the family – and memories – that have long since passed.
“I was little,” said Jinny Bouvette, Corporal Colby’s cousin, who is also among the few surviving family members who ever met him. “We were about nine years difference when he joined the service, I was ten.”
For years, Bouvette says her memories of her cousin Billy, were always clouded by sadness by what happened just months after he deployed to fight in the Korean War.
Colby was just 19 years old and serving in the Korean War when he was declared missing in action on Dec. 2, 1950, after his unit was attacked by the Chinese People’s Army as they attempted to withdraw from the Chosin Reservoir.
“They figure that’s where Billy was,” Bouvette said, pointing to a green circle on a printed map of the Chosin Reservoir. “That’s where he was the last time that he was reported (alive).”
The young soldier could not be recovered following the battle, and the U.S. Army issued a presumptive finding of death on Dec. 31, 1953.
“We never thought of him as being killed in action, we always thought of him as just missing,” Bouvette said. “My aunt, she always thought he was alive somewhere.”
His fate was finally confirmed for family members by the Defense POW/MIA Accounting Agency on May 2, 2024, after Colby’s remains were identified from 55 boxes of remains returned to the U.S. by the North Korean government in 2018.
The process required a DNA analysis of his remains and a sample from a living relative before it could be matched and verified.
Bouvette says representatives initially tried to reach her, but it wasn’t until learning that her aunt and cousin had submitted those DNA samples that she realized what was happening.
“At first I thought they were just people trying to scam old people, and I wouldn’t answer them,” she said, with a laugh. “But eventually, that’s how I found out that he was really, really gone.”
Just a few months later, the Army’s Past Conflict Repatriations Branch helped return his remains, along with a jacket adorned with a full accounting of his honors.
“He didn’t get them when he was alive,” Bouvette said. “So I told them to put them in the casket with him, so he’s got them now.”
She did decide to hold on to one of his awards for herself, Colby’s Purple Heart.
“I just can’t tell you what it feels like,” she said, looking at the military medal in her hand. “It fills your heart right up. It just fills your heart right up.”
Yet it can’t quite compare to seeing his procession finally reach its end.
“My heart is so full… it is overflowing,” she said. “I just can’t… I have no words. I’m just glad that he’s here, and to know he’s home now. He’s home.”
JayCee Cooper filed a lawsuit against USA Powerlifting after the organization banned her from participating in women’s competitions.
SAINT PAUL, Minn. — The conversation inside the Minnesota State Capitol on Tuesday was focused on sports, but a different type of competition was taking place inside the court chambers. Two opposing sides are vying for the Minnesota Supreme Court to rule in their favor in the case of Cooper v. USA Powerlifting.
Transgender woman and athlete JayCee Cooper filed discrimination charges with the Minnesota Department of Human Rights in 2019 after USA Powerlifting banned her from participating in women’s competitions. In 2021, Cooper filed a lawsuit against USA Powerlifting.
The lawsuit claims USA Powerlifting’s ban on transgender women is “an outlier among international, national and local sports organizations,” pointing to the International Olympic Committee’s framework regarding inclusion of athletes and their gender identities.
The case made its way through the state’s courts over several years before landing in the hands of the Minnesota Supreme Court. Oral arguments took place Tuesday morning, in which Cooper was represented by Gender Justice attorney Christy Hall and USA Powerlifting was represented by attorney Ansis Viksnins.
Gender Justice is a legal nonprofit organization based in St. Paul. In a press conference Tuesday morning, the organization’s legal director Jess Braverman said USA Powerlifting is violating Cooper’s rights under the Minnesota Human Rights Act.
“Every Minnesotan deserves the freedom to pursue their dreams without fear of exclusion or discrimination,” Braverman said. “Ms. Cooper was denied that right, solely because she is transgender.”
Viksnins, the attorney representing USA Powerlifting, said Cooper was excluded from women’s competitions due to her biological sex, not gender identity. “It’s not discrimination based on gender identity. That’s the problem for Ms. Cooper’s case: that the differentiation here was because of her biological sex, not for gender identity.”
In 2021, USA Powerlifting launched its MX category, providing a separate division for athletes of all gender identities. “It doesn’t solve the problem of transgender women being barred from women’s competitions, which is the issue here,” Braverman said.
There is no clear timeline as to when the Supreme Court will makes its decision on the case.
The portion of the Kellogg-Third Street Bridge over I-94 is coming down.
ST PAUL, Minn. — The portion of the Kellogg-Third Street Bridge over I-94 is coming down this weekend.
Demolition started in August but they’ve been doing one section at a time. MnDOT says to expect jackhammering around the clock.
City engineers first noticed cracks in its supports in 2014 and limited its capacity. But it’s taken 10 years for the city to come up with the $91 million it will take to build a new one, and it won’t be finished until 2027.
I-94 will be closed this weekend between 35E and Highway 61 in St. Paul.
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