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Sick of swiping? Here’s why single people are breaking up with dating apps.
Frustrated singles are breaking up with dating apps.
Last year Americans downloaded dating apps more than 36 million times, which is down 16% from 2020.
“The way people are using dating apps today and the speed of communication. It’s swipe, swipe, swipe, onto the date. Getting ghosted, getting frustrated, being burned out. Wash, rinse and repeat,” said dating coach Damona Hoffman, who is also the author of “F the Fairytale.”
Hoffman said an increasing number of her clients are feeling what she calls “dating app burnout,” which is stress and fatigue caused by endless swiping.
She said she sees too much “zombie dating.” It’s a term she came up with to describe the behavior she sees on dating apps. She defines it as mindless scrolling, searching for validation and not meaningful connection, and talking to too many people.
“A lot of these DMs and texts, they don’t go anywhere. So that’s really leading to the dating burnout because we get our hopes up. Our adrenaline goes up and then it’s like withdrawal when the person doesn’t materialize into a date.”
Hoffman met her husband online and knows firsthand how frustrating it can be, but said the goal is for connection and users need to apply more empathy.
“We’re feeling this sense of, I call it the communication crisis that we’re in, and you feel it even if you’re not dating. You feel this ‘everybody’s talking but we’re not saying anything.'”
She suggests “dating hygiene,” which is being strategic with your time, eliminating go-nowhere connections and taking stock of your profile on dating apps by tracking reactions and responses.
“Which of the dates and conversations are actually turning into something real, so that you’re not putting all of this energy into connections that don’t make you feel good first of all, or materialize into a relationship.”
Hoffman, who also hosts a podcast called “Dates and Mates,” advises speaking to the individual on the app for just one week before meeting in person.
“The whole goal of dating apps is to meet in person so what happens when you stay in the texting trap and you stay on the app too long, you develop a false sense of intimacy.”
Hoffman said she wants to help people feel more in control of their dating destiny and as a professional who has helped people find love for almost 20 years both online and offline, she disagrees with the saying “you will find love when you least expect it.”
“When people approach dating mindfully, strategically, they get results,” she said. “They get to the relationship.”
If you’re sick of swiping, she suggests attending events, try speed dating, hire a matchmaker or engage in your community to make connections.
The CEO of Match Group, the company that owns Tinder, OkCupid, Hinge and Match.com, said late last year that they are “optimistic about the future” and that he expects to see the decline in paid users “moderating.”
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In Hollywood, a land known for marquees and famous signs, there’s probably no sign that’s more on the nose than the store Just Food For Dogs. There, four-legged customers sample today’s offerings, while their owners stock up on the food.
Sarah Rector and her French bulldog, Lulu, are buying her regular order, including beef with russet potato, and venison with squash. Rector says she feels better buying the store’s food for Lulu rather than commercial dog food: “I just know that she’s getting the best possible, like, ingredients and health and overall wellness.”
She and her husband don’t have children, yet, but they have another French bulldog, “so I feel like we have kids.”
It’s tempting to write this off as a trendy L.A. fad, but Just Food For Dogs president Carey Tischler says this store is here because of a permanent shift in the roughly $50 billion U.S. pet food industry. “The last year of research shows that 82% of families think of pets as family, or as children, and that’s up significantly,” he said.
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Joe Ovalle is Just Food’s guest experience manager. He says all of their pet food is approved by the USDA for human consumption. “It is human-grade food, something you and I could eat,” he said.
He sampled one of their recipes, for fish and sweet potato. “Oh my God, it’s like ceviche,” he smiled.
It may seem a bit indulgent, and can cost double the price of Kibbles, but some say that feeding our dogs natural food is what we should have been doing all along – and making it yourself can cost the same as buying food from the store.
“It’s about going back to what is biologically appropriate, that they ate for tens of thousands of years,” said pet nutritionist Christine Filardi. “They ate prey animals and table scraps. So, I’m just educating people on how to go back to what they ate for tens of thousands of years prior to commercial pet food.”
Stewart, Tabori & Chang
Filardi is author of “Home Cooking For Your Dog,” a cookbook offering recipes with what she says are the three necessities: animal protein, a carb, and a veggie, as well as a few extravagant treats, like her bacon and cream cheese muffins.
Filardi says whether it’s store-bought or home-cooked fresh food, the results are the same: well-fed animals live longer, have cheaper vet bills, and are happier … which makes the owners happy, too.
“They take such good care of us,” she said. “We should take good care of them.”
RECIPE (FOR DOGS): Hearty Hamburgers
RECIPE (FOR DOGS): Friday Playdate Pizza
RECIPE (FOR DOGS): Bacon and Cream Cheese Muffins
RECIPE (FOR DOGS): Ground Turkey, Quinoa, and Carrots
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Story produced by John Goodwin. Editor: Joseph Frandino.
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