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5 common family challenges around the holidays and how to navigate them, according to therapists
It’s that time of year when families come together to celebrate — or argue — over the holiday dinner table.
Experts say it’s normal for this season to bring unique challenges with loved ones, but there are ways to cope with these stresses and make it through.
“While the holidays are often marketed as a very happy time to gather with family, this is not always the case,” says Leanna Stockard, a a licensed marriage and family therapist with mental health care company LifeStance Health. “There are multiple challenges that families can face, and these challenges may be amplified around the holiday season where there is pressure to be ‘happy.'”
To help you handle what may arise during your family gatherings this season, we asked therapists the most common issues they see and how to navigate them.
Unmet expectations
Whitney Goodman, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of online support platform Calling Home, says one of the biggest issues she sees around the holidays revolves around expectations.
“Wanting the holiday season to be perfect or to be different than it normally is with their family — that’s only natural given all the pressure and messaging that we have around the holidays,” she says.
How to navigate: Goodman recommends having an honest conversation with yourself and the people around you.
“Just saying, ‘I’m going to expect my family members to behave the way that they always do. I’m not going to expect them to be different this week, just because it’s the holidays.’ And when I accept that I can prepare accurately for what’s going to happen,” she explains. “When people are able to get those expectations out of the way, it leads to a lot less disappointment and you can really control the outcome a lot better.”
Stressful logistics
Trying to make everyone happy and managing complicated schedules can be really difficult for people, especially when talking about blended or large, extended families.
“There’s a lot of running around… (and this) can take the fun out the holiday season when it’s so stressful,” Goodman says.
How to navigate: Doing a bit of mental preparation can be helpful in staying calm.
“There are going to be things that are always out of our control that we can’t prepare for, but when you are a little bit more expectant of what’s to come it makes it easier,” Goodman says.
Rusty relationships
Interactions with extended or estranged family members around the holidays can also cause stress.
“For many people, it’s the one time a year that they see these family members,” says Alyssa Mairanz, owner and executive director of Empower Your Mind Therapy.
How to navigate: Don’t be afraid to take the space you need, Mairanz says, adding that you can also focus on other people.
“Put your energy towards engaging with those who are not as estranged or stress you out as much,” she suggests.
Before entering these situations, remember it’s likely not the time to rehash old (or even current) problems. Instead, prepare to “just be cordial,” Mairanz advises.
“Just because it’s holiday time and families around, it doesn’t mean that you have any obligations towards reconciling things that you’re not ready to reconcile,” she says.
Uncomfortable questions
Family members who are relentless in inquiring about our love lives, careers or life decisions can bring additional discomfort to the holidays.
“This can especially be the case if any family members disagree about certain directions their loved ones have taken and have no problem with sharing that perspective with them,” Stockard says.
How to navigate: Boundaries can play a key role here, Stockard says.
“Boundaries can be physical, emotional (or) mental, and they can be set ahead of time or in the moment with your family members,” she explains, while acknowledging they can be difficult to set with those closest to us.
“If this is the case, I recommend accessing your support systems and talking to a family member that you trust to help you navigate through your difficulties and have an ally in the moment who can help reiterate that your boundaries deserve to be respected.”
If boundaries prove too challenging, try redirecting or responding to unwanted questions or unsolicited advice vaguely, Mairanz suggests.
“Prepare yourself not to get into an argument and just respond to what the person is saying, knowing that any kind of further discussion is not really going to go anywhere,” she says.
Political polarization
The holidays can also present the opportunity for uncomfortable conversations with outspoken family members, especially about politics and values, with the most recent Election Day right behind us and the 2024 presidential race picking up steam.
“If there is a difference of opinion amongst family members, conflict or discomfort may arise,” Stockard says.
How to navigate: “It is more than OK to decide that you do not want to engage in political discussions at family gatherings and ask your family members to respect your decision ahead of time,” Stockard suggests.
If your request is not honored prior to a gathering, you have the choice to not attend, she says. If a line is crossed in the moment, you can choose whether or not to engage in the conversation and reiterate your boundary.
CBS News
Former Israeli hostages released in truce 1 year ago call for action to release those still held
Former Israeli hostages who were freed from Hamas captivity during a week-long humanitarian pause in fighting exactly one year ago Sunday called for immediate action to secure a deal for the release of those still held.
The only truce in the ongoing Israel-Hamas war on Nov. 24, 2023 – fewer than two months after fighting began – led to the release of 80 Israelis held by militants in Gaza. They were freed in exchange for 240 Palestinians detained in Israeli jails.
Repeated efforts since then by mediators from Qatar, Egypt and the United States to secure another truce and hostage release have failed. Qatar early this month said it was suspending its mediation role until the warring sides show “seriousness.”
Gabriella Leimberg was kidnapped during the Oct. 7, 2023, Hamas attack and was released along with her daughter, Mia, and sister Clara.
“For 53 days, the one thing that kept me going is that we, the people of Israel, the Jewish people, sanctify life — we don’t leave anyone behind,” she said.
Leimberg added: “Everything has already been said and now action is required. We don’t have any more time.”
Around 100 hostages are still in Gaza, and at least a third are believed to be dead.
“I survived and I was fortunate to get my entire family back,” Leimberg said. “I want and demand this for all the families of the hostages.”
Hamas wants Israel to end the war and withdraw all troops from Gaza. Israel has offered only to pause its offensive.
The Palestinian death toll from the war surpassed 44,000 this week, according to Gaza’s Health Ministry, which does not distinguish between civilians and combatants in its count.
Danielle Aloni, who was kidnapped with her five-year-old daughter, Emelia, and freed after 49 days, spoke at the ceremony of the “increasing danger” those still being held face every day.
She said those still in captivity “suffer physical, sexual, and psychological abuse, their identity and dignity crushed anew each day”.
“It took the Israeli government about two months to secure a deal for me and 80 other Israeli hostages. Why is it taking over a year to reach another deal to free them from this hell?” asked Aloni, whose brother-in-law, David Cunio, and his brother, Ariel Cunio, are still being held.
She emphasized that, even though she and the other hostages gained their freedom a year ago, “we haven’t really left the tunnels,” — referring to Hamas’ underground tunnels where many of the hostages were held.
“The feeling of suffocation, the terrible humidity, the stench — these sensations still envelop us,” Aloni said.
“If people could truly understand what it means to be held in subhuman conditions in tunnels, surrounded by terrorists for 54 days — there’s no way they would allow hostages to remain there for 415 days!” said Raz Ben Ami, who was released in the deal a year ago.
Her husband, Ohad, is still among those being held.
Ben Ami called for a ceasefire to “bring back all the hostages as quickly as possible”.
CBS News
Couple charged for allegedly stealing $1 million from Lululemon in convoluted retail theft scheme
A couple from Connecticut faces charges for allegedly taking part in an intricate retail theft operation targeting the apparel company Lululemon that may have amounted to $1 million worth of stolen items, according to a criminal complaint.
The couple, Jadion Anthony Richards, 44, and Akwele Nickeisha Lawes-Richards, 45, were arrested Nov. 14 in Woodbury, Minnesota, a suburb of Minneapolis-St. Paul. Richards and Lawes-Richards have been charged with one count each of organized retail theft, which is a felony, the Ramsey County Attorney’s Office said. They are from Danbury, Connecticut.
The alleged operation impacted Lululemon stores in multiple states, including Minnesota.
“Because of the outstanding work of the Roseville Police investigators — including their new Retail Crime Unit — as well as other law enforcement agencies, these individuals accused of this massive retail theft operation have been caught,” a spokesperson for the attorney’s office said in a statement on Nov. 18. “We will do everything in our power to hold these defendants accountable and continue to work with our law enforcement partners and retail merchants to put a stop to retail theft in our community.”
Both Richards and Lawes-Richards have posted bond as of Sunday and agreed to the terms of a court-ordered conditional release, according to the county attorney. For Richards, the court had set bail at $100,000 with conditional release, including weekly check-ins, or $600,000 with unconditional release. For Lawes-Richards, bail was set at $30,000 with conditional release and weekly check-ins or $200,000 with unconditional release. They are scheduled to appear again in court Dec. 16.
Prosecutors had asked for $1 million bond to be placed on each half of the couple, the attorney’s office said.
Richards and Lawes-Richards are accused by authorities of orchestrating a convoluted retail theft scheme that dates back to at least September. Their joint arrests came one day after the couple allegedly set off store alarms while trying to leave a Lululemon in Roseville, Minnesota, and an organized retail crime investigator, identified in charging documents by the initials R.P., recognized them.
The couple were allowed to leave the Roseville store. But the investigator later told an officer who responded to the incident that Richards and Lawes-Richards were seasoned shoplifters, who apparently stole close to $5,000 worth of Lululemon items just that day and were potentially “responsible for hundreds of thousands of dollars in loss to the store across the country,” according to the complaint. That number was eventually estimated by an investigator for the brand to be even higher, with the criminal complaint placing it at as much as $1 million.
Richards and Lawes-Richards allegedly involved other individuals in their shoplifting pursuits, but none were identified by name in the complaint. Authorities said they were able to successfully pull off the thefts by distracting store employees and later committing fraudulent returns with the stolen items at different Lululemon stores.
“Between October 29, 2024 and October 30, 2024, RP documented eight theft incidents in Colorado involving Richards and Lawes-Richards and an unidentified woman,” authorities wrote in the complaint, describing an example of how the operation would allegedly unfold.
“The group worked together using specific organized retail crime tactics such as blocking and distraction of associates to commit large thefts,” the complaint said. “They selected coats and jackets and held them up as if they were looking at them in a manner that blocked the view of staff and other guests while they selected and concealed items. They removed security sensors using a tool of some sort at multiple stores.”
CBS News contacted Lululemon for comment but did not receive an immediate reply.
CBS News
Former Trump national security adviser says next couple months are “really critical” for Ukraine
Washington — Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster, a former national security adviser to Donald Trump, said Sunday that the upcoming months will be “really critical” in determining the “next phase” of the war in Ukraine as the president-elect is expected to work to force a negotiated settlement when he enters office.
McMaster, a CBS News contributor, said on “Face the Nation with Margaret Brennan” that Russia and Ukraine are both incentivized to make “as many gains on the battlefield as they can before the new Trump administration comes in” as the two countries seek leverage in negotiations.
With an eye toward strengthening Ukraine’s standing before President-elect Donald Trump returns to office in the new year, the Biden administration agreed in recent days to provide anti-personnel land mines for use, while lifting restrictions on Ukraine’s use of U.S.-made longer range missiles to strike within Russian territory. The moves come as Ukraine marked more than 1,000 days since Russia’s invasion in February 2022.
Meanwhile, many of Trump’s key selection for top posts in his administration — Rep. Mike Waltz for national security adviser and Sens. Marco Rubio for secretary of state and JD Vance for Vice President — haven’t been supportive of providing continued assistance to Ukraine, or have advocated for a negotiated end to the war.
McMaster said the dynamic is “a real problem” and delivers a “psychological blow to the Ukrainians.”
“Ukrainians are struggling to generate the manpower that they need and to sustain their defensive efforts, and it’s important that they get the weapons they need and the training that they need, but also they have to have the confidence that they can prevail,” he said. “And any sort of messages that we might reduce our aid are quite damaging to them from a moral perspective.”
McMaster said he’s hopeful that Trump’s picks, and the president-elect himself, will “begin to see the quite obvious connections between the war in Ukraine and this axis of aggressors that are doing everything they can to tear down the existing international order.” He cited the North Korean soldiers fighting on European soil in the first major war in Europe since World War II, the efforts China is taking to “sustain Russia’s war-making machine,” and the drones and missiles Iran has provided as part of the broader picture.
“So I think what’s happened is so many people have taken such a myopic view of Ukraine, and they’ve misunderstood Putin’s intentions and how consequential the war is to our interests across the world,” McMaster said.
On Trump’s selections for top national security and defense posts, McMaster stressed the importance of the Senate’s advice and consent role in making sure “the best people are in those positions.”
McMaster outlined that based on his experience, Trump listens to advice and learns from those around him. And he argued that the nominees for director of national intelligence and defense secretary should be asked key questions like how they will “reconcile peace through strength,” and what they think “motivates, drives and constrains” Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Trump has tapped former Rep. Tulsi Gabbard to be director of national intelligence, who has been criticized for her views on Russia and other U.S. adversaries. McMaster said Sunday that Gabbard has a “fundamental misunderstanding” about what motivates Putin.
More broadly, McMaster said he “can’t understand” the Republicans who “tend to parrot Vladimir Putin’s talking points,” saying “they’ve got to disabuse themselves of this strange affection for Vladimir Putin.”
Meanwhile, when asked about Trump’s recent selection of Sebastian Gorka as senior director for counterterrorism and deputy assistant to the president, McMaster said he doesn’t think Gorka is a good person to advise the president-elect on national security. But he noted that “the president, others who are working with him, will probably determine that pretty quickly.”
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