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“Dry dating” this month? Sober dating tips for Dry January and beyond, from a dating coach
Whether you’re taking a break from alcohol for Dry January or reassessing your relationship with alcohol in general, dating without “liquid courage” can feel daunting — but it doesn’t have to be.
“Dry dating” can actually have a lot of positives, says Connell Barrett, a dating coach based in New York City and author of “Dating Sucks But You Don’t.”
“I’m a big fan of dry dating because it allows you to generate a potential connection with that other person not based on the buzz you’re feeling from the alcohol, but rather from the genuine clicking and connecting you’re doing as people,” he says.
In today’s more sober-curious world, dry dating is also more common than you may think.
Barrett, who’s nearly a year sober himself, says he’s worked with a lot of clients who are in recovery or just don’t drink.
“What I’ve found is once you push away alcohol as a crutch in dating, it’s a way to build genuine, real confidence in yourself,” he says, adding that the idea of “liquid courage” is a big myth.
“Alcohol doesn’t give you courage, alcohol numbs fear — and that makes you feel more courageous because … it makes it easier to, quote-unquote, be yourself (or) to say something more expressive,” he says. “However, once the alcohol is gone, you’re not able to do that. And so you can become dependent on the alcohol to be vulnerable, be real, be authentic.”
Plus, dating without drinking means you can see if your sober, authentic self matches well with your date’s.
And while rejection is a big fear in dating, Barrett says that often stems from people misinterpreting it as: “I’m not enough. I’m not attractive. I’m not going to be able to find a great partner (or) find love.”
While alcohol can temporarily numb this fear, he encourages people to realize being turned down isn’t about not being enough — instead, it might mean you two are just not a good fit or not each other’s type.
“Just take the action, take the risk, ask out the crush — what I want single people to know is that they don’t need alcohol to do that,” he says. “They are enough no matter whether the other person likes you or not.”
When should you share you’re sober with a date?
Barrett recommends being upfront about your choice not to drink from the get-go for a couple of reasons:
1. It’s honest: “You want to give them that 411 because that information is something that they might want to know,” he says, noting that many singles are totally fine to be on a date with somebody who’s not drinking, while others might feel uncomfortable being the only one drinking. “Give that date a heads-up beforehand. It’s classy, it’s respectful. It shows that you’re thinking about the other person. … You want them to feel OK with that,” he says.
2. It avoids down-the-line dealbreakers: Worst-case scenario, if the other person really wants to date somebody who drinks and your sobriety is a dealbreaker for them, it’s better to know sooner than later. “You just saved yourself a whole night out with somebody who’s not a good fit for you,” Barrett says.
Fun sober date ideas
Dry dating doesn’t have to mean dull dating.
“The reason why many people love drinking is because alcohol changes our emotional state — from logical, stressed, worried to more fun,” he says, but a fun activity date can provide the same buzz without the booze.
Bar-adjacent activities are an option, he says, including:
- Ping pong or other bar games
- Card games or board games
- Sober karaoke
- Trivia night
“I had a first date once where we played Jenga all night at a coffee shop,” Barrett shared.
Alternately, try getting away from the bar vibe. “Go on a pizza crawl or go to an art museum — something that just takes alcohol out of the equation,” he suggests.
Or get creative with activities like:
- Figure skating
- A cooking or painting class
- Escape rooms
- An arcade
- An axe throwing session
“I defy you to go play Miss Pac Man for 90 minutes and not be laughing and having fun and feeling silly after a long workday, or trash-talking playfully, good naturedly at ping pong or billiards or bowling,” he says. “We don’t need the crutch of alcohol to do that if we get creative with our activity… just make sure the other person signs off on it in advance.”
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Sen. Mark Kelly says feds need to do a “better job” of letting Americans know “there’s a huge amount of misinformation” on election
Washington — Sen. Mark Kelly said Sunday that the federal government needs to do its part to inform Americans of the vast swath of election misinformation that’s being consumed on social media platforms like X, TikTok, Facebook and Instagram.
“It’s up to us, the people who serve in Congress and in the White House to get the information out there, that there is a tremendous amount of misinformation in this election, and it’s not going to stop on Nov. 5,” Kelly said on “Face the Nation with Margaret Brennan.”
Kelly, who sits on the Senate Intelligence Committee, said he’s seen these misinformation operations target not only his state of Arizona, but also other battleground states.
“There is a very reasonable chance I would put it in the 20 to 30% range, that the content you are seeing, the comments you are seeing, are coming from one of those three countries: Russia, Iran, China,” Kelly said.
In a committee hearing last month on foreign threats to the 2024 election, Kelly presented screenshots of Russian-made web pages showing fabricated headlines designed to look like Fox News and The Washington Post, targeted at voters in battleground states.
“So my constituents in Arizona and others — they seek to influence the outcome of these elections, and that is absolutely beyond the pale,” Kelly said at the Sept. 18 hearing. “We’ve got to do something about it.”
Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump each have the support of 49% of Arizona voters, according to CBS News’ battleground tracker as of Sept. 30.
In another battleground state, Pennsylvania, Trump returned Saturday to hold a rally in Butler three months after an attempted assassination on him. He was joined by members of his own party and billionaire Elon Musk, who said Trump was the only way to preserve democracy and warned of a last election if he does not win in November.
Speaking to CNN’s State of the Union on Sunday, Kelly called the social media mogul a hypocrite.
“He’s standing next to the guy that tried to overturn the 2020 election on Jan. 6, saying that this is somehow going to be the last election and they’re going to take away your vote,” Kelly said. “And you know, it just doesn’t pass the logic test.”
At the White House press briefing on Friday, President Biden – speaking from the podium for the first time since taking office – said he’s confident of a free and fair election but alluded to the 2021 insurrection at the Capitol in his concerns on whether it will be a peaceful transfer of power.
“The things that Trump has said and the things that he said last time out when he didn’t like the outcome of the election were very dangerous,” Mr. Biden said. “If you notice, I noticed that the vice-presidential Republican candidate did not say he’d accept the outcome of the election, and they haven’t even accepted the outcome of the last election.”
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